Yet Another Twilight Story
by UnconventionalBeauty
Summary: There is really no summary for this story  it's sheer hilarious randomness from my head, and I myself have no clue what will happen next! It's bizarrely OOC. Read and review please! First fanfic, be nice if you like, or you can flame. I'll take both.
1. A Case of Mistaken Situations

Disclaimer: I own nothing that I speak of in this chapter except for the pile of dirt and the nice mahogany bookcase. Twilight and all its characters are the property of Stephenie Weir.

Chapter 1 – A Case of Mistake Situations and A Pile of Dirt

"Edward! Harder!" Bella shrieked, panting from exertion. She wiped a drop of sweat from her brow and ignored the pain that was shooting up her back.

'I'm trying, I'm trying!' Edward groaned. "It wouldn't kill you to do a bit yourself, you know…" he trailed off.

Little did this happy couple know that Alice, Emmett, and Jasper were huddled right outside the door. They exchanged amused glances. Alice stifled a giggle.

"Are they doing what I think they're doing?" she asked, trying hard to suppress her laughter. The banging about coming from Carlisle's office had quickly attracted their attention about 5 minutes ago, and it didn't take long for them to figure out that Edward and Bella were its sole occupants.

"I have no clue. This is slightly sick, yet sadly amusing" said Emmett, grinning at Alice and Jasper. "Our baby brother is finally growing up. Man, this situation is gonna give me _loads_ of mileage when we're in a fight…total ammo! I remember giving him 'the talk' and discussing…" He stopped short, and pressed his ear once more to the door straining to hear what Bella was saying. Enraptured, Alice and Emmett too pressed their ears to the door in an effort to listen in.

Inside Carlisle's office, Bella smiled up at Edward. "Come on, just a little more," she said in what she considered to be a seductive-yet-pleading tone. 'Please? I'm getting really tired, and I don't want to overexert myself, I'm already sore all over…' She gazed up at his handsome face, biting her lip suggestively.

At this revelation, Emmett let out a terrific snort of laughter outside the door and was sharply reprimanded by Alice with a glare that clearly said 'One more noise, and we'll throw _you_ in there!' He quickly swallowed his laughter and was glad that the noise they were making in the room didn't give him away.

In the room, Edward sighed. How was he supposed to resist that puppy dog look spreading over Bella's face? He smiled. "Come on, not that much longer. We can do it."

Bella sighed. She knew she was going to give in. Edward could be so persuasive at times. She looked into his eyes, a smile playing on her lips. "OK, but not too much longer. Someone's going to hear us."

Outside, Jasper couldn't help doubling over with silent laughter at the irony of this statement.

Edward laughed. "Don't worry about the others. I got the family out for another 15 minutes at least, so that it would just be you and me," he whispered in her ear.

She laughed. This was her usual Edward, always planning ahead for things like this. She hoped Alice didn't have a vision showing what was going on right now. Little did she know Alice was standing right outside the door, listening to her and Edward's every word.

"OK, on the count of three, I'm going to push. Hard. You do the same too, and maybe it'll fit into place. Got it?" asked Edward.

Bella nodded. "But this is the last time. If it won't fit, then it won't fit. That's all there is to it. No more, I'm already aching!"

"One..Two..Three!" Edward grunted with exertion as he shoved and everything finally locked into place.

Outside the door; Alice, Jasper, and Emmett were literally shaking with suppressed laughter.

"AUGH!" Bella shrieked. "Edward! My foot! You ran that stupid bookcase over my foot!"

The trio outside snorted a few more times, but quickly exchanged confused looks.

"Bookcase? What bookcase?" said Alice, a little too loudly. "Wait...I'm confused!"

Just then the door flew open and a fully clothed, sweaty, and enraged Edward stormed outside.

"What the hell are you doing out here! This was supposed to be a surprise!" Edward bellowed.

This just made the three start laughing again. "You 'doing dirty things' with Bella was supposed to be a surprise? GOOD one, Eddie boy!" howled Jasper, rolling on the floor clutching his stomach.

"Wait...what…?" Edward quickly scanned the minds of his three siblings who were lying incapacitated with laughter on the floor. His handsome features quickly stormed over with fury. "You sickos! You PERVERTS!" he screamed.

Bella walked to the doorway, looked confused. "What? What happened? Why are they out there?" she asked, confounded. "Edward, this was supposed to be a surprise! Where's Carlisle?"

"He's still outside, I'm pretty sure," said Edward. "But that doesn't explain why _these_ jokers are sitting here rolling around on the floor," he said, looking disgustedly at the trio who weren't quite over their laughing fit.

"We thought…we thought…" spluttered Emmett.

"We thought you guys were, you know, um, er, well, we thought you were _doing it_!" shrieked Alice, falling back again into spurts of maniacal laughter.

Bella looked horrified at the prospect. "What?!" she cried. "You are disgusting! We had just put in a new bookcase for Carlisle, and we wanted it to be a surprise. Wait," she said, her eyes narrowing. "How long have you been here, outside, listening in?"

"Umm, about 10 minutes?" said Alice, trying to look innocent.

Edward looked slightly calmer. "Well, maybe that's why you thought we were doing certain…things," he said, struggling to keep his voice calm. "But did it ever occur to you that maybe the bookshelf didn't fit all too well? And that maybe it needed some shoving to get into place?"

Alice wiped several tears of laughter away from her eyes. "Sorry, Edward, really. It just didn't occur to me that there possibly was a bookcase involved with your, uh, love-ish sounding noises that we heard. That's really nice of you, though. Carlisle's gonna love it; he's been meaning to get a new bookshelf for a while. But – it's just, I don't know, only getting an audio version of that tale is just...so…hilarious!" She began quaking with laughter again.

Edward looked disgusted at his siblings. "Please. Do you people have _any _decency? Honestly," he muttered, giving a filthy look to the three laying splayed across the floor once again, in howls of derisive laughter.

Bella stood watching this spectacle, a smile crossing her face. "You know, Edward, if I just got to _hear_ what was going on and was left to decide what was actually _happening_, I think it would be pretty funny too…" she said slowly, grinning.

A slow smile crept across Edward's face. "Yeah, I guess…in a way… but that still doesn't explain why you guys were sitting out here," he said, directing the comment towards Alice, Jasper, and Emmett.

"Well, we heard some funny noises coming from down here…something banging against the wall. Presumably the bookshelf. But…we didn't exactly, erm, figure that out at the time," said Jasper, looking slightly embarrassed.

Edward sighed. What a family he was blessed with. Making crude carnal jokes about him and his girlfriend; whom he wouldn't dream of doing anything of the implied nature for fear of hurting her or losing control. "Whatever. Let's go outside; maybe we can find Carlisle and take him to see his bookcase if he's home from the hospital."

Jasper heaved himself off the floor, where he had taken residence during his laughing fit, and then helped Alice up too. Emmett grabbed the wall for support and the five of them walked outside.

Alice took the lead, and was about 10 paces ahead of the rest. Jasper and Emmett were continuing to laugh about the encounter in the office. Edward quietly snaked his arm around Bella's waist and pulled her close to him, and Bella smelt the sweet spring air and felt elated inside. It was a beautiful day, and so far nothing seemed to be going wrong, other than the little incident with the mistake situation. She and Edward had installed a lovely mahogany bookcase in Carlisle's office, where there used to be a gaping white space of wall. He was going to be thrilled. Then, Edward was going to take her out to dinner that night, and maybe a movie. She was looking forward to the evening.

Suddenly Alice stopped in her tracks. "Oh my God," she whispered.

"Alice? What's wrong?" asked Jasper, quickly catching up with her. He too stopped right in his tracks, staring at the same thing she was. "Good grief."

Emmett, Edward, and Bella hurried to join Alice and Jasper, who were huddling over a small piece of ground.

"What? Why are we staring at the grass?" asked Edward. "It's not _that_ fascinating."

"No. Just look. Wait a moment, and watch," said Alice quietly, pointing at a small mound of dirt. Suddenly, the dirt began to tremble, as though there was something in the earth, trying to get out.

"OhmyGod!" shrieked Bella, jumping backwards. "What is it?!"

"I don't know. Hush, let's see if it happens again," said Emmett.

The ground trembled a few more times, and suddenly the dirt shifted altogether. There was a gaping hole in the ground, and slowly a pale arm extended out of the dark abyss…


	2. I Was Hoping for the Lexus

**A/N: Sorry it took so long to update. I kind of forgot I had a fan fiction account for a while there…hehe**

Disclaimer: I own nothing that is spoken of in this story, except the pile of dirt. I own nothing of the characters from the crossover bits. Also, I don't really own the Beatles, Harry Potter, Pirates of the Caribbean, and any people/things/places associated with the aforementioned…in addition to that, pretty much all things Twilight-related belong to its author…all I've got is my imaaaaagination…

Previously on _Yet Another Twilight Story: _

"_No. Just look. Wait a moment, and watch," said Alice quietly, pointing at a small mound of dirt. Suddenly, the dirt began to tremble, as though there was something in the earth, trying to get out._

"_OhmyGod!" shrieked Bella, jumping backwards. "What is it?!"_

"_I don't know. Hush, let's see if it happens again," said Emmett._

_The ground trembled a few more times, and suddenly the dirt shifted altogether. There was a gaping hole in the ground, and slowly a pale arm extended out of the dark abyss…_

And suddenly, a tallish guy with dark hair heaved himself out of the ground, and dusted himself off, looking around curiously. He reached down into the hole to help another person out, and began to smartly berate them in a British accent.

"Dammit, Ron, can't you figure out where you're going? Are you _that _bad of an apparator? I asked you to get us ONTO solid ground, not INTO it!" the boy yelled.

Another gangly, redheaded character, presumably the aforementioned Ron, somehow stumbled out of the hole in the ground, and began brushing dirt clods out of his hair.

"Oh, shuttup Harry, what's your problem? I got us here, didn't I? You're sounding exactly like Hermione," Ron said with a scowl. "Now just deliver that stupid prize and let's get out of here. The weather here is too hot for my liking, and I'm missing a good Quidditch match."

"I HEARD THAT, RONALD WEASLEY!" came a female voice from the depths of the gaping hole in Esme's lawn. "NOW HELP ME OUT OF HERE!!" Subsequently, a bushy-haired brunette, clearly Hermione, was pulled from the chasm and joined the impromptu gathering on the lawn.

Edward, Bella, and company were basically dumbstruck at this point. They were gaping at the spectacle unfolding on their front lawn, and basically shocked speechless. The events unfolding were hardly an everyday occurrence, since it wasn't too frequently that three odd British people jumped out of a void in the dirt and congregated in front of the house. They stared at the newcomers, while the newcomers stared right back, somewhat hostilely.

Finally, Alice regained her voice and managed to stutter, "I-I-I'm sorry, but c-can I help you? Waitttt…OH MY GOD!!! YOU GUYS AREN'T REAL!!! YOU'RE BOOK CHARACTERS!!" at the now-unwelcome congregation in front of her.

"Um, actually, we're as real as you are, darling. That J.K. woman? Those adventures? None of it's real. I have no scar; my parents are _quite_ alive, thank you; and this Lord Voldy-whatever doesn't exist. I'm perfectly real, living, and breathing. Now, we just apparated all the way from Hogwarts to deliver you your stupid prize, the least you can do is stop staring like an imbecile and accept it. While you're at it, maybe you could offer us a cool drink?" said the boy who was called Harry.

The Cullens and Bella exchanged glances and figured that this day was already weird enough, without having book characters popping up on their front lawn. They decided to just accept this turn of events, and made a mental note to visit a neurologist specializing in hallucinations, and get themselves admitted in a sanitarium as soon as possible.

"Umm…I'm sorry. What prize is this, exactly? I wasn't aware we entered any contests…?" asked Jasper, looking at the rest of his companions for confirmation. Edward, Bella, and Emmett shook their heads, and Alice simply looked confused. "Nope, we haven't entered any contests…what sort of prize is this? Oh, and, um, you can come in, I guess? Do you want a soda?" he said, leading the procession into the house.

"That would be great," said Hermione. "I could definitely use something to drink. Domestic apparation is one thing, but going international is absolutely exhausting…this one time…" she began droning, and lapsing into some long winded story that no one was really paying attention to.

Once everyone was gathered in the kitchen of the Cullen home, the Ron kid was busy explaining who he and his friends were, and what their purpose was.

"You see, I go to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. I'm a wizard, so is Harry, so is Hermione. Apparation is one way for us to travel quickly from one place to another, it's basically like...um, what do you Muggles call it? Telekenetiwhatever? I don't remember…" he said, taking periodic sips from the Sprite can Emmett offered him. Ron glanced around the room and was received by blank stares. "You don't get it?"

Edward, Alice, Jasper, Emmett, and Bella all shook their heads 'no' in unison.

"Oh what the hell. Skip the explanations. Long story short, you entered some contest, you won, and you get to have the Pirates of the Caribbean for a day. Or the Beatles. But I would choose the first, seeing as the Beatles is only half there…" Ron said conspiratorially.

"Uhhh…what?" asked Alice, now thoroughly confused. "I can't recall ever entering any contest, much less…getting to have Pirates or The Beatles or whoever you were talking about...for a day."

The Harry kid sighed. "You people make our jobs so hard. Ron, I TOLD you not to go mouthing off in Potions that day!! THIS is what we're stuck with now – informing a bunch of clueless idiots about winning contests they can't remember having entered! If you hadn't gone and gotten us into detention, WE WOULDN'T BE HERE RIGHT NOW!! These are the kind of detentions Snape gives!!!"

**(A/N: in case you didn't get it: Ron, Harry, and Hermione are here informing people they won contests because they got a detention. Snape is pretty heartless.)**

"Hey now! It's not MY fault he insulted my potion making skills!" Ron said indignantly.

"Ha! WHAT potion making skills? You blew up half the classroom!" Harry insisted. This began to culminate into a right little tiff, so Hermione directed her attention towards the still-confused party in the kitchen.

"Basically, you, Alice Cullen, have entered and won that "win a chance to spend the week with famous people" contest you entered on April 27," she informed Alice. "I have your entry form right here." She handed Alice a piece of paper, which was indeed, a contest entry form.

"Ohh…_that_ contest…" said Alice, slightly sheepishly. "I didn't even remember entering that thing. I thought it was a car contest. I was hoping for that pretty Lexus."

Now all eyes were on Alice. "Whattt?" she asked, shamefacedly. "I honestly didn't remember. I entered it as a joke. I never thought I would win out of the millions of entries."

Ron and Harry had apparently settled their differences and perked up immediately at what Alice had just said.

"Actually," said Harry repressing laughter, "you were the _only_ entry! So you _had_ to win!!" With this bizarre statement, he burst into loud guffaws of laughter and was forced to wait outside the kitchen until he had calmed himself.

"Now, all you need to do is pick which star you want to spend the tomorrow with…you get a different one each day for one week. The prize starts tomorrow, and lasts until a week from tomorrow. Like I said, you can spend time with a different star for every day of that week, and your choices for tomorrow are: 'Pirates of the Caribbean' or 'The Beatles.'" said Hermione hurriedly.

Still slightly befuddled and not completely aware of what was going on, the four Cullens and Bella debated over who to get.

"Hmm… meeting the Beatles would be a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity!" said Emmett enthusiastically. "It would be so cool to ask John Lennon about his peace movement, and George Harrison about his sitar training with Ravi Shankar, and Paul McCartney about his partnership with…oh wait. The first two aren't living anymore."

"So if we picked the Beatles, would we only be able to hang with Paul and Ringo?" asked Edward.

"Umm…actually, Paul has some other engagement this week. He's playing a gig at Wembley Stadium, over in London. And, um, Ringo is kinda busy. But you can get some Beatles impersonators! We'll throw in a Vegas Elvis too, just for the hell of it!" said Harry, who had just re-entered the kitchen, now somewhat calmed down.

"Hmm…that doesn't sound like a very good deal," said Bella to the Cullens. She turned to the three Brits. "What about Pirates of the Caribbean? Will we get to meet JOHNNY DEPP?!?!?!?!?" she asked a bit too excitedly

Edward looked slightly jealous and gave Bella a sidelong dirty look.

"Hahaha…about thatttt…um, you see, there actually _is_ a Captain Jack Sparrow. And Will Turner. And Elizabeth Swann," said Hermione.

At the mention of Elizabeth, Edward perked up visibly.

"Wait...but...how…" Bella sputtered. "Captain Jack is a movie character! He's not real! I know, I SAW the movie! JOHNNY DEPP plays him! And same with Will Turner!!! And Elizabeth!!!"

"Hate to burst your bubble dear, but he's just as real as we are," said Ron.

"Clearly not very real then," Jasper muttered under his breath.

"I beg your pardon?" Hermione asked sweetly.

"Ohhh, nothing," Jasper replied, with the same sickly-sweet affected tone.

At this point, the five decided to just accept whatever came their way from there-on-out. This madcap action was beyond the point of dreams, beyond delusional, beyond hallucinatory. It could only be real.

"Okay, alright. Captain Jack is real," said Bella slightly huffily. "But does that mean we won't be meeting Johnny Depp? Or…ORLANDO BLOOM?!?!?!" Edward looked jealous again.

"Um...I'm afraid not. Things don't work that way," said Hermione. "Take the real thing or leave it. Now make your decision, our detention gets over in 10 minutes. 'The Beatles' or 'Pirates of the Caribbean'?"

"Hmm…" said Edward. "Let's think about this. If we pick the Beatles, we don't actually meet any of them, we just get some tribute band or impersonators or whatever. However, we also get an Elvis impersonator from Las Vegas, which might be interesting. On the other hand, if we get the Pirates deal, we get to meet the REAL Captain Jack, Will, and, um, Elizabeth."

"Beatles," said Jasper.

"Pirates," said Alice.

"Beatles!" insisted Emmett.

"Ugh, whatever. I'll go with Pirates," said Bella, somewhat deflated. "I don't really care, since it's not actually Johnny Depp." More dirty looks from Edward.

"Okay, it's a tie; now you are the tie-breaker," said Ron, pointing at Edward. "Hurry up, we don't have all day."

Edward's mind was working quickly. If he chose the Beatles, he could meet a professional Las Vegas Elvis impersonator. If he chose Pirates, he could meet Elizabeth Swann. He didn't think twice about his decision: "Pirates."

"Alright, sounds good. I'll send them over here around 11ish tomorrow morning. Don't be surprised when they show up at the door," said Hermione. "Thank you and have a nice day!"

"Yeah, yeah. Nice meeting you. Give me a call, lovely," Ron said, winking at Alice.

"In your dreams, dear," Alice replied. "I already have a boyfriend." Jasper gave Ron a menacing look, and Ron quickly shut up.

"Right. Well then, we'll be off. Goodbye," said Harry. Then, him and the other two joined hands, walked out of the kitchen, stepped into the pit in the yard, and disappeared, along with the pit; with a loud _crack_; leaving the five members of the original party thoroughly confused as to what had just happened.

**A/N: Sorry that took soooo long to update :( I already have chapter 3 written, and I'll continue posting new chapters every week, if not sooner!! Read and Review please!**


End file.
